I honestly do not know what to post about the things and the way they escalated very quickly in the past few weeks.You know what is the main problem of being like this..When something of this magnitude happens quite frankly speaking I do not have anyone other than the person who gave me this to talk about.I suppose this is going to be my biggest weakness.But Sometimes we need to keep our weaknesses alive so that strengths can be improved.Crazy theory of mine,Yes I know but still this is how i prefer to look at the things.What more can I write about the way things came to a tipping point.I was told to stop victimizing , I feel like I'm the victim and the accused in this case,just like it happens with Rape cases,only here it is mental and not physical.The day this happened,I remember going along beach road,looking at the sea and thinking what went wrong and suddenly from nowhere my eyes become moist and tears start flowing along like the waves in sea.Maybe I was not ready to accept the reality,fuck maybe Yes,I was not ready to accept the reality.I thought I loved her in a way no one could ever in this universe.Apparently , she never wished to see its depth.I talked about everything to her my dreams,ambitions,thoughts to paint , house , cousin marriage etc.Even in broken WhatsApp calls I was very happy to hear her voice and used to wait and pick up the train once our calls are over.Like a madman I was realizing I was making her happy with all these conversations but in the end it seemed , all I was mad on was my love for her and she was never happy all the way along.The days till now are the hardest.I used to think the joy of getting a message from her "It was all a big mistake.Things are back to normal".I did not even wanted to know who's fault or who must ask sorry and all.I see something and remember what I used to talk to her and I smell her perfume I used to remember the initial days where I'd loved her perfume more than her.But as time goes I feel like she has pulled out something from me which can never be replaced.I gave her my entire me but without even concerned what will happen if she stops talking to me one day.I have started questioning my sanity and the purpose of this life nowadays.I even thought of writing a post abusing her for this but I am not even able to think of it.Wherever she is , she must be loved and deserves all the love in the world.But the thought of seeing her back puts my mind on a thorn-bed.But I have to go to bangalore back on June 8 and meet her on June 12 like nothing happened and I'd trade my heart off to avoid such a scenario.There is something called as PGDM and she happens to be in same class as I am.I just wish time will fly away for the next two semesters and I won't see her again at all.She has lost a good friend and what have I lost...?...I've lost my thoughts,direction and path inshort a piece of me which I do not know what will happen to.These days I just roam like a corpse doing what other people and my environment expects me to do.But again,She had thought me many things and I should've stopped over stretching my mind's limits trying to fit my imagination as my thoughts.But the way this has happened she could've killed me instead and I'd be happier,maybe who knows the route things take.
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