Friday, 24 February 2017

Angry and sadness and the walls they erect

Dear Vinitha,

Yes,this post is not for my Aphro or Jell-o or my girL or dude.It is for you,Vinitha and you can write a reply post also.I don't even know if I can call you that anymore.This is by far the most painful post which I've written in a long time.I've been carrying that sadness in my heart for two days along with me wherever I go like my shadow ironically I've always wanted your hold your shadow also and make sure it doesn't fall on anyone unworthy.Two things which make me feel bad is unknown wrath of a know person and known wrath of a unknown person.But what if both the person and wrath is unknown. Double whammy,you might say but that's how I felt for the past two days. Having heard of pent-up anger , this is the first time I'm seeing anger collected just to be showered on a person who doesn't even know what he had done.When you are angry,I have to convince two people,firstly I have to convince myself to convince you and then comes the problem of convincing you. I've used the word convince not understand and it is not by accident.I know I've done some mistakes,but I don't even deserve a meet and greet,right?.Yes,I deserve to be treated like that.I feel like a child waiting for a chance to cry even though there are very few things which make him cry.I mean who cries for not knowing someone you love well enough?.I also tried to drink and overcome this feeling but it just made me go deeper into it.Did you know I cried yesterday evening and right now as I type these things also,leave that.I suppose that is what happens when you mix anger and sadness together. Whatever I have written in this post is truth and nothing else. I'm not sure I can ask you to read this but publishing this will be like taking a pin and pricking the sensitive areas in my soul.Maybe that is what happens when you give people access to it
When I see you today morning,I just want to hug you and cry my heart off and make all the sadness go away.I think that is highly impossible.I must be having the most dangerous heart disease in the world:- you know what it is.."Strong Memory"

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