Me in conversation with myself

Hii Gautham,

This is a conversation which you are having with yourself.Kindly note that we are fully drunk while writing this.(you think whatever you tell while you are drunk is supposed to be a secret,what kind of a man you are).Anyways,I suppose thiss makes it qualified for a secret which no one should know other than us or our future wife maybe.

Me:- tell me this Gautham,why you are like ..whatever I write will be shown to my future wife..
He:- well,that is because that I want her to know of my past and nothing should be hidden.For fuck's sake she has come from a different family expectung that you will help her in becoming her better half.Do you wannt to spoil that alsos....
Me:- Dude,I think you are right only ok,...But still let me tell you one thing...how can you know that the wife whomever comes will be true to you in first place..I medoesnan what kind of a person likes a introvert...
He:- well dude,let me telll you one thing,just because the girl whom you had loved in college hAD rewjected you,doesn't mean people will never understand youj.
Me:- So,how do you tell it to your wife that..understanding you is extremely complex and living with you is another differernt thing.//...
He:- Well dude..that's how it works...you want your wife to be happy and understanding,,.you have to be like an open  book to her.
Me:- I think I cannot do that.......
He:- Why bro...?
Me:- All over my life,I have been used to being shy and not letting people know how I feel truly .Hence me being open to a person is like very difficult and I believe that the person should earn it.
He:- Yes..And what if that person is not even willing to try and do things.
Me:- You know that will hurt both of us , don't you..?
He:- Yep,but how does it answer your question..
Me:- I suggest we will continue this post when we are drunk again..till then Bye to me and myself

Colours of love

Hi Dear,

I know this is a misleading title(Don't turn back and blush at me for that)Our boy Mowgli decides to take Cupid's reflection to a la la land and decides to spend sometime to know her better.But,as fate would have it one of Mowgli's friend decides to spoil her day and in-turn he becomes the Ashtray as she started to fire on him.Having felt very bad he goes to meet Cupid and decides to clarify certain things.Here is a gist of conversations which both of them had. Of course,as always there is a disclaimer.Not all things written here are real but they are not entirely imaginary either.

Cupid:- See who's come to meet me..Hi Boy..!!
Boy:- Hi yourself,I'm not feeling very well today Cupid.
Cupid:- Suppose it is one of your bad days.Everyone has one.
Boy:- Yes,yes that's for sure.If not for bad days would I even come here.
Cupid:- Ouch..!!..Someone's really pissed off today.Tell me what happened
Boy:- It's the same old thing dude.My Aphro doesn't want to commit anything with me.
Cupid:- Boy,do you think it is easy for her to make a life changing decision in a short time span.Moreover look at you boy,you really think she'll just fall for you that easily..?
Boy:- Chill dude..I didn't mean that ..It was just that I asked her out to la la land and she's like we'll see when the time comes.I suppose she is trying to send me to la la land.
Cupid:- Well,wouldn't that be like certifying your craziness for her.Love is really when you get mad on one person,right?
Boy:- I'd really go to a la la land if she's with me or that la la land is her mind itself.
Cupid:- Nice one boy.Then what's the problem?
Boy:- I don't know cupid.Sometimes I feel like she is testing me.I mean what did I ask for ? Just a trip to la la land and some time with her,that's it.
Cupid:- Yes I know that,she met me yesterday and we had a meet after a long time.It was good and she had a sleep over.She left just now in the morning.
Boy:- I know that dude..I was the one who showed her the way to your place yesterday.We also had a game and I failed in that.
Cupid:- Yes,yes I know all about that.we had many crazy discussions.
Boy:- Oh I see,am I privileged to ask what you were talking about?
Cupid:- No boy,certainly not.But I suppose you are trying to extend your territory if you do like this.
Boy:- Ok Ok.Just tell me what she told about me and us..
Cupid:- Look at you poor boy.you really think she'd discuss you with me.?
Boy:- Then what else did you discuss..you know I asked her about this.
Cupid:- Ok..What did she tell?
Boy:- She just told I'll tell you tomorrow.
Cupid:- Yes.I know that also.I was with her when you called her yesterday.
Boy:- Oh...I feel I spoiled her evening by letting her in into one of my problems.
Cupid:- Trust me boy,it's nothing like that. In fact she was glad you called her in your difficult times.
Boy:- Well,if she's happy I'm also happy.
Cupid:- Isn't it time for you to get ready to see her..?.I saw you roaming near her place in the hope of catching her by surprise today morning.
Boy:- You saw me..?..Those are called lovely coincidences, aren't they?
Cupid:- I've never seen a boy whose entire life runs on chances.You don't know whether she'll love you or even come to a movie with you.Yet you are here expecting things will get better with time.
Boy:- Oh Cupid, not again don't tell me time solves everything.I see she has started to work her charm on you also.
Cupid:- Haha..All the best boy..Just ask her did she think of you even for a minute yesterday and you get your answer there, won't you.

Angry and sadness and the walls they erect

Dear Vinitha,

Yes,this post is not for my Aphro or Jell-o or my girL or dude.It is for you,Vinitha and you can write a reply post also.I don't even know if I can call you that anymore.This is by far the most painful post which I've written in a long time.I've been carrying that sadness in my heart for two days along with me wherever I go like my shadow ironically I've always wanted your hold your shadow also and make sure it doesn't fall on anyone unworthy.Two things which make me feel bad is unknown wrath of a know person and known wrath of a unknown person.But what if both the person and wrath is unknown. Double whammy,you might say but that's how I felt for the past two days. Having heard of pent-up anger , this is the first time I'm seeing anger collected just to be showered on a person who doesn't even know what he had done.When you are angry,I have to convince two people,firstly I have to convince myself to convince you and then comes the problem of convincing you. I've used the word convince not understand and it is not by accident.I know I've done some mistakes,but I don't even deserve a meet and greet,right?.Yes,I deserve to be treated like that.I feel like a child waiting for a chance to cry even though there are very few things which make him cry.I mean who cries for not knowing someone you love well enough?.I also tried to drink and overcome this feeling but it just made me go deeper into it.Did you know I cried yesterday evening and right now as I type these things also,leave that.I suppose that is what happens when you mix anger and sadness together. Whatever I have written in this post is truth and nothing else. I'm not sure I can ask you to read this but publishing this will be like taking a pin and pricking the sensitive areas in my soul.Maybe that is what happens when you give people access to it
When I see you today morning,I just want to hug you and cry my heart off and make all the sadness go away.I think that is highly impossible.I must be having the most dangerous heart disease in the world:- you know what it is.."Strong Memory"

Gifts and Tangible memories

Hii to-the-only-girl-who-is-reading-this-in-HRM-class(yaaay!!..One more exception),

This boy from my previous story is often coming in my dreams and asking me "Why do you call me Boy?.Can't you give me some name?".What kind of world is this where only your Aphro gets a name and not me while I live with you day and night whereas she just comes and goes like the magic lamp of Aladdin changing your day into night with one magical rub?.That got me thinking the next time I meet my Aphro I must ask her to name the boy.Having said that I don't know why the thought of gifting the boy makes her this much nervous.If you are not able to understand someone,imagine them like a child or imagine them naked.I don't think the latter will work at this stage so,I tell her consider this boy as a child and you can easily understand his emotions,it is that simple.The biggest gift Aphro can give to the boy is her presence and acknowledge.Just knowing Aphro has thought of gifting the boy makes him get the happiness of a fish which has reached sea water from river water even though it understands chances of survival are not very bright.
What is a gift?
It is something that contains something meaningful to the someone who is giving and someone who is getting.I tell her "Which is the most sweetest gift this boy can get..?".I just hopes she understands that "Nothing in this world is more sweeter than her lips which even the insects mistake as a source of honey".

I'm not sure if they have honey flavoured Lipbalms.but if the need comes in future,you have the Raw material
It's amazing how she has this quality of associating intangible inputs and tangible outputs.Like Love-marks and happiness-gifts etc.
My dear,World would be in chaos if tangible and intangible things interchange.Let things be the way they are and I'm sure you know the best gift you can give to this boy.."It is just your thoughts and memories,nothing else(Good or bad,ask the boy)"
"She knows what she has given me but She'd never know what I have received"

Conversations with Cupid

One fine day , OK fuck that ..The boy who was in my previous story decides to have a conversation with Cupid (courtesy of Imperial Blue) and then decides to met her.Cupid can be male or a female right ?.So,here goes the excerpts from the conversation.Note that not all the things presented here are imaginary.Some are imaginary things which might become real one day while some are real things that always prefer to be imaginary.

Boy:- Hey Cupid,Just tell me where to find you.I want to meet you and ask some queries

Cupid:- Hey there,my boy If love is in the air,where will I be.After all,I'm the god of love

Boy:- Enough of the Riddles ok,Now just tell me where can I meet you?

Cupid:- Look at who's getting jumpy,is this the boy who said to me once that "I'm the epitome of patience"

Boy:- Well,that was when I didn't know you,now that I've started to know you,it seems I am forgetting to remember me.

Cupid:- Isn't that what people call as love?

Boy:- Is it..I don't know..

Cupid:- What do you not know..?..What is love or why some people prefer to keep it unnamed..?

Boy:- I suppose,but there are some people who know it but still prefer to keep it unnamed.What about them?

Cupid:- I can only make people see colors,I can't help the people who close their eyes and tell there is darkness everywhere.

Boy:- Fine,fine..where can I meet you?

Cupid:- I can't meet you.But maybe you can meet my reflection who's in earth right now

Boy:- Wow.you also have a reflection..I thought being in love with a true person who understands, is like seeing our own reflection in their eyes.

Cupid:- You sure come up with Cheesy lines,My boy.

Boy:- When Cupid herself tells that ,what else can I say.."I'm crushed"

Cupid:- See,My reflection goes by a Greek goddess's name.

Boy:- I think I know her well.Her name is "Aphro" right?

Cupid:- Very well!!.

Boy:-  But I wanted to talk about her only Dude.

Cupid:- let me make one thing clear,She might be my reflection but I'm only her mirror image.

Boy:- WTF Cupid,who's drunk,you or me..?

Cupid:- Ok. Just don't try to guess what goes in her mind.The day you start that you'll start to lose your's to her.

Boy:- True that.You know what dude,I want to see her and learn more of her.But unfortunately all the chances I get is only while travelling or walking together for a short time.

Cupid:- About that,don't you think coming upto this stage itself is an improvement..Have patience, my boy.

Boy:- But sometimes,I also want to go to places with her..just to see her wearing her a single anklet in her leg,to see the way her hair adjusts itself to the wind storm that is coming & the way she fears to cross the road & the way to she makes these crazy expressions & the way she keeps a mock anger face and then blushes in a cute manner & the way her smell jells with Petrichor(Yes,she told me this once!!)

Cupid:- whoa whoa..stop it boy,you're making me forget my duties.I didn't know you observe her like this.

Boy:- Oh Cupid.This is nothing.I get to do all this only in my dreams.

Cupid:- Well,maybe that is why you are not getting sleep at nights.

Boy:-Yes.Maybe she is there trying to wake me up from my sleep when she is in my dreams.

With this the boy wakes up to find that He was already sleeping for hours and he got a dream in which he met his Aphro and got drunk and went to sleep where in he got another dream in which he met Cupid and had all these discussions.

Then he checked his phone..where he'd got a text from Aphro telling "I had called you last night.I just didn't want you to feel bad for not talking"

Why do we need to name things ?

Hii Dude,

When you asked how will I spent the Half an hour when you leave.I thought "Here we go again,leaving the interpretation of lines to the receiver expecting he will get the response which I need".So I squeezed my mind on what can I give to you to help you pass time.Will it be a puzzle or another post on your beauty or a post on bridges or a post on safe parenting practices or some stupid science fiction stories.Finally I thought to write a post on Human beings and their tendency to name things.
Yes,I don't want to name it as long as
We both have started to type same messages at the same time with same words
We have those stupid all night conversations extending for hours
We both talk things ranging from Radz to Roads to Tunnels
We both know agree that we are poles apart and still do not try to hide things or compromise
We both hold many secrets common to each other still don't feel the burden of carrying them
We both try to relive the things we shared in private when other people are around in such a way that no harm is done to anyone.
We both give smiles and gestures which only we can decipher
We both have the fear of commitment and try to dodge it as long as possible
We try very hard to answer the question "Why me" and "Why not me" in different dimensions and fail every time
We both don't want to name it not because we can't but only because we fear the unnamed.

BTW dude..This time comment what you think about the post or call me once you board your bus after getting all cozy in your berth.
.

Happie Birthday My Cupid!!

Ola,

Valentine's day is supposed to be the birthday of Cupid(Cupid be like "God , please save me from this devil!!).Valentine's Day is named for the martyred Christian saint named Valentine. He was a bishop that married forbidden couples.It is the day when lovers show their love to each other.Now,Isn't that funny and outdated.I mean how can people choose a day to show their love,Even night I can understand.I believe this is just a marketing hoax created by Chocolate companies and bouquet shops to boost their sales.Allow me to tell a small story(He and his stories!!).There was a boy who went to beach whenever he had to forget something and then wrote what he wanted to forget on the sands.All he wanted to do was write them in sands and then forget them.He was so involved in writing that he forgot about the waves and their quality of pulling things inside them.It so happened that whatever he wrote was being taken away by the waves.As silly as the boy was he couldn't understand why the waves had to do that.He also asked to the Cupid about this.
"When I'm trying to forget things why do you keep on taking them inside so that I have to write them all over again and that makes me remember the beautiful times I have spent with my loved one".
For which the Cupid replied "My dear boy ,My work is not only to make sure people fall in love,but also to ensure that people don't see their present as a reflection of past"
He got pissed off at this kind of behavior from cupid and from waves,after all what could one man do against mother nature.?.This happened for a span of time and one day the boy figured out It was the sands which took his memories but it was the waves which gave him his memories back.It was just nature's way of balancing things for the boy and for the Cupid.
Once he went away,Cupid thought to herself "Poor boy,I'm just trying to make him strong.The day he understands it is not the sea of memories,but the sea of life and waves of time ,He will be given a boat to sail on top of it and create more memories where I will be in that boat along with him as his Aphro"
That day Cupid wrote on the sea bed "No Seconds without your thought and No thoughts without you"