Hii there,
I went to my PG college yesterday and met a couple of friends from there.It is hauntingly beautiful to see how going to a place just brings back all the memories i had tried to bury all the time.We all do it from time to time.The memories we want to run into do not come up easily but the memories we want to run away from come up as easily as a balloon floating on water.I look at the places I we argued,your flat,the day we had pasta from the little bytes down there and the long walks we used to take,which I assumed would make you special because I have no gone on walks like that with anyone in my life.I wish I could go to your flat and look at your room and celebrate your birthday once more.Do you remember my gift?..Because somehow I cannot seem to forget it.I know this is me holding to you desperately as though my entire life depends on this.I've had a friend telling me you were always like this.Maybe we should not be desperate for anything in our lives,when other people get to know that they take us for a ride and this has happened almost always in my case.There was a best friend whom I thought will be with me for atleast sometime and now even she also doesn't want to talk to me.It seems I'm asking too many questions.We all have answers we do not want questions for.I knew change was inline when I changed to Bangalore again but I did not know it would be this quick.I go to my friend asking how did u leave Bangalore and who packed your luggage's like a madman trying to get a glimpse of his favorite sanity object in the world.He tells me "I can see you've still not recovered from her,so why not text her and become friends".Can I tell him the moment I see your number wishing someother person happiee birthday in our college I start to sob like a kid who has lost his candy?..And bringing you back into my life makes me happy and sad at the same time.Is this what happens when you're not worthy of someone's affection?..Maybe..I'm not sure.My last two years have been a huge success professionally but personally it paints a opposite picture.A Magnanimous failure indeed.I was not able to get anyone who understands me from college.I know I'm a tough cookie to cut but seems people are not even willing to try.Thinking there will always be people who will understand you if you understand them has proved to a failure strategy in recent times.I wanted to tell all this and much more to you despite the fact that you're in no mood to listen.I thought my bestie will atleast listen to what I've got to say,I've understood she's not in the mood to talk to me.So,what do I do now,I sit alone in this dark room of mine and think of things which would be inappropriate to tell to others.I mean what is the point of survival like this?..This question has been bugging me a lot in past days.Why do we need money,experience,sex and happiness when there is no reason why we should survive?...What does time do to all of this...It just makes me question my every thought thinking how long can I be like this ..Maybe for some days or months or my lifetime !!!
I went to my PG college yesterday and met a couple of friends from there.It is hauntingly beautiful to see how going to a place just brings back all the memories i had tried to bury all the time.We all do it from time to time.The memories we want to run into do not come up easily but the memories we want to run away from come up as easily as a balloon floating on water.I look at the places I we argued,your flat,the day we had pasta from the little bytes down there and the long walks we used to take,which I assumed would make you special because I have no gone on walks like that with anyone in my life.I wish I could go to your flat and look at your room and celebrate your birthday once more.Do you remember my gift?..Because somehow I cannot seem to forget it.I know this is me holding to you desperately as though my entire life depends on this.I've had a friend telling me you were always like this.Maybe we should not be desperate for anything in our lives,when other people get to know that they take us for a ride and this has happened almost always in my case.There was a best friend whom I thought will be with me for atleast sometime and now even she also doesn't want to talk to me.It seems I'm asking too many questions.We all have answers we do not want questions for.I knew change was inline when I changed to Bangalore again but I did not know it would be this quick.I go to my friend asking how did u leave Bangalore and who packed your luggage's like a madman trying to get a glimpse of his favorite sanity object in the world.He tells me "I can see you've still not recovered from her,so why not text her and become friends".Can I tell him the moment I see your number wishing someother person happiee birthday in our college I start to sob like a kid who has lost his candy?..And bringing you back into my life makes me happy and sad at the same time.Is this what happens when you're not worthy of someone's affection?..Maybe..I'm not sure.My last two years have been a huge success professionally but personally it paints a opposite picture.A Magnanimous failure indeed.I was not able to get anyone who understands me from college.I know I'm a tough cookie to cut but seems people are not even willing to try.Thinking there will always be people who will understand you if you understand them has proved to a failure strategy in recent times.I wanted to tell all this and much more to you despite the fact that you're in no mood to listen.I thought my bestie will atleast listen to what I've got to say,I've understood she's not in the mood to talk to me.So,what do I do now,I sit alone in this dark room of mine and think of things which would be inappropriate to tell to others.I mean what is the point of survival like this?..This question has been bugging me a lot in past days.Why do we need money,experience,sex and happiness when there is no reason why we should survive?...What does time do to all of this...It just makes me question my every thought thinking how long can I be like this ..Maybe for some days or months or my lifetime !!!
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