Hii there,
Yesterday was one of the joyful days I'd remember in my lifetime.Well,what did I do.Did I buy anything new ? or did i get drunk fully or did i achieve something highly successful?.Nope.I went with my best friend and invited people for his wedding.What gives you happiness in this? You might ask?.The happiness we all search for is not present in some fancy materialistic ideas but in small occasions which help us to realize how beautiful this short lived life is.We took another best friend of our's,we're all friends from school..from 7th standard.So,that makes it around 15 years,I suppose.It is strangely good when you realize some bonds will be there for a long time.Maybe because it had such a strong foundation,it still grows and accommodates all the changes which the life and time throw along the way.I went and met many of his friends and it was as though I was meeting friends of mine.No wonder they tell,you start resembling the person with whom you spend more time.Be it in terms of habits or character or personality.We had a sumptuous lunch and drove around Chennai inviting people No one has ever asked me to do things like these ever before.I suppose that's what happens when you start connecting with other people in a entirely new manner.So,after a day of constant laughing,teasing and emoting I came back to home around 9 pm.I was talking about the entire day to my mom and explaining what all happened.In the end I asked her "Mom,do you think something has changed in me in past two years and now?".She told "A lot has changed and in fact your sister feels the change more than any other".These days,all the discussions seem to start or end with a philosophical tone.I was not this much psychological or philosophical before I went to Bangalore.I am being asked what happened over there that I had to become this much mature and disconnected in such a short time.How can I tell that I was not accepted by the one person from whom I wanted it badly in bangalore?.I just told my mom I did not fit in in bangalore generally and I had to develop some sort of image or defense mechanism to ensure that I do not get hurt.That is when I realized the opposite of love is not hate but indifference.The more I try to unlove her,I fall further deeply into love.I look at someone on road and think it would be her and I look at the messages she posts in our college group and try to think how would it be for once if she posts a message before me or after me.Maybe she would think about me if she sees my name or would she have stored my number?..She doesn't even look at my statuses.The one for whom I started this blog and wrote posts on how I feel now think I'm non existent."Yes,this is how life is.It is never fair and it is time to move on" I tell to myself often these days.It definitely works,but only slowly like moving a huge mountain of emotions with the power of my thoughts.I came to bangalore to get some friends and take some good memories back.It would be lying if I tell I have completely failed in it but the truth is that I have succeeded only partially and in a way that everything seems to be positive from the outside but on the inside it's all hollow and empty.Coming to the problem of fitting in,right from my childhood I am not used to moving with people closely.I am highly sensitive in nature and cannot take it when anyone close to me tries to cut the ties or treats me in a unacceptable way.This is why I do not trust or gel with larger groups or more people.Infact,this was the feedback given to me by counsellor during the 1st year of college in bangalore.I also tried my best to move with people and where has it got me today ? ? ..SO MUCH FOR SOCIALIZATION AND FITTING IN !!!
Yesterday was one of the joyful days I'd remember in my lifetime.Well,what did I do.Did I buy anything new ? or did i get drunk fully or did i achieve something highly successful?.Nope.I went with my best friend and invited people for his wedding.What gives you happiness in this? You might ask?.The happiness we all search for is not present in some fancy materialistic ideas but in small occasions which help us to realize how beautiful this short lived life is.We took another best friend of our's,we're all friends from school..from 7th standard.So,that makes it around 15 years,I suppose.It is strangely good when you realize some bonds will be there for a long time.Maybe because it had such a strong foundation,it still grows and accommodates all the changes which the life and time throw along the way.I went and met many of his friends and it was as though I was meeting friends of mine.No wonder they tell,you start resembling the person with whom you spend more time.Be it in terms of habits or character or personality.We had a sumptuous lunch and drove around Chennai inviting people No one has ever asked me to do things like these ever before.I suppose that's what happens when you start connecting with other people in a entirely new manner.So,after a day of constant laughing,teasing and emoting I came back to home around 9 pm.I was talking about the entire day to my mom and explaining what all happened.In the end I asked her "Mom,do you think something has changed in me in past two years and now?".She told "A lot has changed and in fact your sister feels the change more than any other".These days,all the discussions seem to start or end with a philosophical tone.I was not this much psychological or philosophical before I went to Bangalore.I am being asked what happened over there that I had to become this much mature and disconnected in such a short time.How can I tell that I was not accepted by the one person from whom I wanted it badly in bangalore?.I just told my mom I did not fit in in bangalore generally and I had to develop some sort of image or defense mechanism to ensure that I do not get hurt.That is when I realized the opposite of love is not hate but indifference.The more I try to unlove her,I fall further deeply into love.I look at someone on road and think it would be her and I look at the messages she posts in our college group and try to think how would it be for once if she posts a message before me or after me.Maybe she would think about me if she sees my name or would she have stored my number?..She doesn't even look at my statuses.The one for whom I started this blog and wrote posts on how I feel now think I'm non existent."Yes,this is how life is.It is never fair and it is time to move on" I tell to myself often these days.It definitely works,but only slowly like moving a huge mountain of emotions with the power of my thoughts.I came to bangalore to get some friends and take some good memories back.It would be lying if I tell I have completely failed in it but the truth is that I have succeeded only partially and in a way that everything seems to be positive from the outside but on the inside it's all hollow and empty.Coming to the problem of fitting in,right from my childhood I am not used to moving with people closely.I am highly sensitive in nature and cannot take it when anyone close to me tries to cut the ties or treats me in a unacceptable way.This is why I do not trust or gel with larger groups or more people.Infact,this was the feedback given to me by counsellor during the 1st year of college in bangalore.I also tried my best to move with people and where has it got me today ? ? ..SO MUCH FOR SOCIALIZATION AND FITTING IN !!!
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